simply hello

Label: - 10 Oktober 2011


i just read my previous posts. it was only 2 months ago, but i can tell you there are a lot of things happened in those 2 months. about my relationship : a fact, which i should have known from the very first time, the risk i chose to take, that someday we will end this up. sooner or later. all we have to do is just enjoy every single moment left before the time's coming. and another problem about my relationship was a new 'thing' i never experienced before. i'd better not to post it here though and keep it for myself ;)
another news was about me being a leader. i can't tell you how it feels when it came to the end. when i think FINALLY THIS IS OVER! too much disappointment, too much emotion, i'm just too tired.

and by the way, those aren't the reason why i post tonight. it was about a book i'm currently reading. i've been looking for this book for such a long time, and to my surprise Gramedia discounted it 70% off! can you imagine how excited i was?! it costs IDR 240000 before and IDR 70000 after the discount *bellydance* so i bought it as soon as possible at Gramedia Mall Taman Anggrek. it titled Handle With Care by Jodi Picoult. this is seriously one of touching books i adored so much. i won't hesitate to looking for another books of Jodi Picoult next time.
This book was about a woman named Charlotte who has a daughter suffered Osteogenesis Imperfecta (OI), a rare bone disease. she was very fragile, a simple slipped could break her bones, even a sneeze too. Charlotte has to take a very very good care of Willow (her daughter) and sacrifice a lot of things, her first daughter, people's opinion, even her friendship. as usual, Jodi Picoult shows detail of the medical and law in her books, i found this as her speciality since her another book 'My Sister's Keeper' was also in the same genre. i seriously recommended this book. definitely one of my favorite! ;)

and here's the picture of the book :

Title : Handle with Care
Author : Jodi Picoult
Publisher : Hodder & Stoghton (UK)

it's been so long

- 11 Agustus 2011

since the last time I dropped my tears for a guy this year. note this, 11th August :') and however, it reminds me on last year. may be exactly at these days, I dropped a large amount of tears too. and this year, I did it with the different causes for different people. I never thought I would feel this pain again, I mean this fast.

err

Label: - 02 Agustus 2011

would somebody give me courage to get out of this, errr, what should i call this? i don't even know. i have no idea what i want to write here. the point is, i'm just too afraid of a relationship. i'm afraid to love someone whole-heartedly. especially at this time, what i want to do is just enjoy my 'me' time. could i?please? :)

disoriented

Label: - 13 Juli 2011

it's been a while since the last time i wrote here, as usual. i've been very busy with a lot of stuffs. i became the leader in a church event and it drives me crazy. with all of the problems, the people, a lot of things to think of. sometimes i feel like i give up in this thing, but God always guide me to be His good sheep, and also there's my boyfriend who always support me and give me strength. so here i am, still hold on and still believe in Him to work on me :)
but that's not why i write tonight, about became the leader, it's about the disoriented feeling i felt. it's hard for me to write, to tell, to explain exactly what i felt. it just like, i have no passion in EVERYTHING i do. in my study, in my relationship with my bf, in my friendship, in the church event, in little business i run, everything. i was like i didn't do all of those stuffs whole-heartedly. i walked next to my boyfriend, but i didn't really feel like i was there. i wrote answer on my exam paper, but i didn't feel like i think about it. i led a meeting for a church event, but i didn't feel like i was there in the front of the room. i have no idea why i felt this way. a conclusion came into my mind, simply i live my life unhappily. what should i do then? i have no idea. who i really need to fill this emptiness? what should i do to keep this lonely feeling away?

and anyway i think these lyrics really suite me for now. don't you think so?



Disguise

Have you ever felt some kind of emptiness inside
You will never measure up, to those people you
Must be strong, can't show them that you're weak
Have you ever told someone something
That's far from the truth
Let them know that you're okay
Just to make them stop
All the wondering, and questions they may have

I'm okay, I really am now
Just needed some time, to figure things out
Not telling lies, I'll be honest with you
Still we don't know what's yet to come

Have you ever seen your face,
In a mirror there's a smile
But inside you're just a mess,
You feel far from good
Need to hide, 'cos they'd never understand
Have you ever had this wish, of being
Somewhere else
To let go of your disguise, all your worries too
And from that moment, then you see things clear

I'm okay, I really am now
Just needed some time, to figure things out
Not telling lies, I'll be honest with you
Still we don't know what's yet to come

Are you waiting for the day
When your pain will disappear
When you know that it's not true
What they say about you
You could not care less about the things
Surrounding you
Ignoring all the voices from the walls

over loaded of love

Label: , - 17 April 2011

Have you ever felt this way, when you're feeling like so full of love. Extremely full that you think you can't load them in your heart. I am! :D
I really really really grateful, for everything happened. I DO believe that everything happened for a reason, and i finally found the reason why that happened and this happened and so on. I believe every pain and every tears I've ever felt brought me to this beautiful part of my life. Gave me the strength to face everything.
And most of all, I'm so grateful for your presence in my life. I have your name in my pray every night, how I'm feeling so blessed to have you right here with me, to support me, to make me laugh, to be my mood-booster, and specially to love me. You have no idea how much I love you, dear :)

With my favorite pilot :)

breaking news

Label: - 02 Maret 2011

I just read my last post, it's about a month later. and i have to tell you, there are soooo many things happened in a month. the first thing is i had a week of holiday in Bali, seriously it was fun and i'd love to visit Bali again ANYTIME! such a beautiful and full of cultures island, and you should have a culinary trip there. I have some recommended places to go, note this!
  1. Babi Guling Bu Oka, at Ubud
  2. Naughty Nuri's Spare Ribs, at Ubud
  3. Bridges Bali, at Ubud
  4. Ultimo Italian Restaurant, at Seminyak
  5. Ku De Ta, at Seminyak
  6. last but not least, Bamboo Corner at Poppies Lane :p
honestly there are so many things i'd love to write about my trip in Bali, but i'm not in a mood and i didn't have any photo to be posted. i will, soon ;)
the second thing happened is, me and mr lovely officially in a relationship. this is such a long story to told. he gave me a teddy bear at midnight feb 14th. with the notes written there 'would you be my valentine?' in french. that's soooo sweet! i'm so speechless since no one ever treat me that sweet. he's just too lovely right? i knew i'm afraid about many things through this relationship, but both of us decided to go on with this decision, supporting each other, loving each other. i also knew he's a super busy man, and with him, there's no saturday night to spend together. never mind, i'll take the risk :)
the third thing is, i finally got the result of my last 6 months' study. i got 3.56 this semester and 3.725 at all. not bad, i even think this is quite good for me. thanks God :) i really need Your guidance for the next years above in my study. Amen!
i'm feeling so good at all. i really should thanks God for everything happened, the good and the bad, specially the bad things happened in the past. i found out, that everything really out of our control. it's all about His way for us, the only human. everything will be right in the end, beautifully. i love you dear God o:)

p.s: i love you anw

FREEDOM (soon)

Label: , - 28 Januari 2011

I just got home after Managerial Finance final exam. i feel sooooo happy yeayyy! tomorrow is my last exam before super long HOLYday! excited excited :)
last night i feel so, numbed. seriously. i just found out a little surprising fact. i can't deny that i'm not really fine for now. but i really grateful that i haven't choose you yet. i almost actually. but it's over. you quit, and i'm done, and we're done. thanks to God that i didn't give you my all.
But anyway, i miss your presence. i will handle this, i really do. i just find out, that everything that supposed to be together will be together in the end. just let it be. let me flow with the wind. i'm totally curious about you hey mr.lovely. i'm dying to know what's your plan, what's your next step, WHEN's your next step. i'm just sure about you, but i'm not sure about us. there are too much differences, too far distance, i'm afraid for many things. i don't want these things going up too fast. slowly but sure.
i'm sorry anw, these are just some random thoughts. i never assume anyone to read this, because i didn't public my blog's url. see ya soon!

Sym sym sym W

heyho!

Label: - 09 Januari 2011

It's Sunday, and it's raining outside, and here I am in my room listening to Canon all the time. My favorite! Too bad, these situation bring me into a 'galau' time. This is such a trending word for now hahaha
I'm feeling blue, sad, for no reasons. weird. but actually i've felt this for several days. idk why, perhaps what i felt is a loneliness. i don't get it why i should feel lonely since i never lonely at all. i mean, you should read my previous post, you'll know why ;) because they always fill my day. oh and anyway, i think i've choose one of them. the lovely oneeee *blushing* hihihi
next week i'm going to have my final exam. so excited, 2 weeks of exams, and then 1.5 months of holiday. woohooo. here i come Bali and Bandung :D gonna be an exciting holiday, don't you think so?
well i've no idea what i need to write anymore, so i think i'm going to sleep or gym. see ya!

dilema

Label: - 26 Desember 2010

Hey, i just watched Indonesia vs Malaysia final match in AFF Suzuki Cup. and it was sucksssss! some of Malaysian supporter used laser light to hit Indonesian player so they couldn't see well. SUCK malaysia!! Indonesia lose 3-0. it's okay, we'll beat you back on 29th hey Malaysia!!
But this is not the main purpose why i choose to write today :) lately, i had crushES in two boys. the first one just so lovely, seriously, really a lovely boy. tall, handsome, quite smart, diligent, kind, religious, caring. such a perfect one, right? the other one can't be describe as a lovely boy. quite lazy, smoker, not a religious one, well actually you can describe him as a bad one. i knew exactly which one to choose, the lovely one. but for me, these 2 boys have their own interest. i'm so confused :s which one to choose? guide me, dear God :(

my very first time

- 19 Desember 2010

Hello!! It's 12AM right now, and i just got home. Last night was my very first time go to the night club. and there's only 1 word to describe last night : AMAZING. hahaha. well i know i used to judge clubbing as a bad thing. but lately i change my mind, and i decided to try it by myself. it was my friend's 21st birthday, and we had so much fun! hahaha
at first, i never thought Tribeca would be this small, but still it full of people and smoke and drunk! i looked at the dance floor and a lil bit confused because it's just so small. me and my friend sat on the sofa and looked around. we drank coke, at first, and still looked around. then we drank coke mixed with jack daniel and we finally got lil bit tipsy. i felt like, my head just spinning around. everything just so blur, and what i want to do is just dance. such a super fun night. hahaha
i didn't captured any pic, since it's so dark in there. but you shud try ;)

Piles of presents

Label: -

Gift have been part of christmas ever since the kings É‘nd shepherds brought presents for Jesus. Families É‘nd friends buy each other presents, but other people bring them too. Long ago in Turkey, there lived a bishop named Nicholas. Nicholas loved to give children presents É‘nd help the poor. He was such a good man he became St. Nicholas. Today he's known as Santa Claus or father Christmas.

A story about St Nicholas why stockings are left out :
There was once a man who had three daughters, but he was too poor to pay for their weddings. 'We'll never be married' sighed one, as she washed their stockings É‘nd hung them over the fire to dry. St Nicholas was walking by É‘nd heard her. Late that night, he dropped a shower of golden coins down the chimney. When the sisters found the gold in their stockings, they were thrilled. Their father was delighted, 'it must be a gift from St Nicholas' he smiled.

Some say that St Claus lives at the North Pole, or in Lapland, which is nearby. Every year, millions of children send him letters, saying what they'd like in their stockings for Christmas. Santa packs his bulging sack É‘nd sets off on his sleigh, pulled by nine flying reindeer.

Santa isn't the only person to bring presents at Christmas. Italian children wait for La Befana, a kind, old witch. She didn't join the kings to visit Jesus because she had to sweep her house. Now she searches for the baby every Christmas, leaving presents as she goes. In Sweden, children leave out a bowl of porridge for the Tomte, a gnome who lives under the floorboards. Children in Syria leave out hay, for the three kings' youngest camel. In the morning, the hay was vanished É‘nd presents are there instead. In Germany, children write letters to a Christmas angel called the Christkind, asking him to leave their parents under the tree. People open their presents at different times too. In Holland, the paper is torn off on St. Nicholas Day, December 6th. In Scandinavia É‘nd Germany, Christmas Eve is the big night. Then Christmas morning is free for church É‘nd visiting friends.
But in Britain, Australia, the US É‘nd many other countries, everyone has to wait for Christmas Day. For hundred of years, presents came without cards, until in 1843, an artist named John Callcot Horsley invented the first ever Christmas card. Now more than ten thousand million Christmas cards are sent every year.

Christmas Around the World - Lesley Sims

waste of time

Label: , - 13 Desember 2010

I'm wondering, is there anyone read my blog? because i never publish it anywhere. but knowing no one knows my url blog (unless them who followed me, which only a several number), lift up my confidence to write more more and more.
It's monday morning and i supposed to hate it, but today i skip my first class, and fortunately the second class' lecturer won't be able to come, soooo i'll stay at home until noon! what a wonderful monday, right?
I'm kind of enjoying my life right now. i'm not thinking about my past anymore, and the most important thought is i didn't regret EVERYTHING happened, all the good and bad. I believe everything happened for a reason, we just haven't figure out the reasons. it will take a long time i guess, just like my friend said 'time will heal'. Don't you think so? Time really heals. Let's see several months from now, or it might take years, everything will be fine. You will look back to your past, and smile for everything, and grateful because it happened its way. :)

feel so much blessed :)

Label: - 10 Desember 2010

It's nearly to Christmas. I can feel the joy of Christmas everywhere, specially in my own heart. I LOVE Christmas too much!! Recently I'm listening to Josh Groban's Noel album and Celine Dion's This are Special Times album. I feel soooooo blessed, so happy, so excited aaaaaaaaaa :D
I love hanging out at mall nearly christmas,i'd love to visit all malls in Jakarta to feel the christmas, and to enjoy the decoration. too bad i haven't did any of it. but i will of course
i'm just feeling too happy i can't even write anything. see ya! :D

catch up

Label: , - 26 November 2010

Heyy, it's friday night and i looooove it so damn much! tomorrow gonna be quite a busy day, but without any plan to hangout on satnight. no problem ;)
i'm listening to taylor swift's Speak Now album. such a wonderful album and a lot of nice songs. some of them remind me of my situation, the one titled Never Grow Up reminds me of my mom since it was a song from a mom to her child. you should listen to them!
i was in a confused thought these last days. i was thinking of you, and how different you are right now. i can't deny that i miss you sometimes. but whom i miss is not really you, i miss the old you. and i should thank you because you have changed, and made this much more easier for me, because i can't find the person i missed. i was disappointed in you and how you changed. i took a pity to your mom and dad, how they concerned about you but you never realize it. i was sad when i knew your mom wished us to back together. it's impossible i knew, both of us knew. how pathetic. but anyway, i also realized i don't have any right to take care about you anymore, so whatever you did, you knew it so well, you knew the consequences, you knew the risks. all i going to do is pray for you, as always :)
And anyway i don't get it, well i got it but i'm not sure. why did you keep your anger? and dealing with it? just let it go, everything happened for a reason, just believe. i wish i could say everything i wrote here to you. but i know you too well. you, with your high pride, won't listen to me again. someone who had break your heart, even actually we break each other's heart, don't you agree?
You said i'll always special for you. but i know, it's just a simple lie. if you turn to hate me, i'll understand. i won't hate you, since you used to make me smile, since you have filled my heart for more than a year, since we have soooo many sweet memories, and since i loved you. i'll pray the best for you dear :)

oh btw i knew you'll never read this, so why did i write this post? -___- well i just want to write, maybe someday some months or even some years from now, you'll read this.

i think i'm in love

Label: - 13 November 2010

;)

happy sunday :)

- 07 November 2010

It is sunday morning, and as usual, i wake up too early. Then it's time for blogging i guess.
i'm going to tell you about my birthday. i already made a post about it, but it haven't end yet right?hahaha
so, in the afternoon, my mate came into my house with 2 pieces of strawberry cake. it reminds me on how much i loved strawberry! thanks to you my mate *huggggg*
at night, i went to Segarra resto beach with my best friends. well, actually i went to exactly the same place last year with my ex. LOL we drank and talked and had a stupid jokes. we had a really good time :) and after done with the dinner, they brought me to the beach, and well i think you can guess what they did to me. i felt so damn silly! with the flavor around my hair, and from head to toe full of i-don't-even-know what did the liquid contained -__- i took a bath at the beach, and went home with happy feelings and smelly hair. when i came home, my neighbor aka my very best friend since i was a little came into my house to share something about her bf. i listened to her while i'm opening a present from my schoolmate. then, when i opened the door for her to came home, there they are! my best friends stood in front of the door with a birthday cake :') i'm soooo surprised! hahaha
thanks to you guys, i LOVE ya! :D :D :D :D


2 pieces of strawberry cake from my mate ;)


at Segarra beach resto with bff


how pathetic, don't you agree?


after bath with the guys


the beautiful birthday cake :D

I'm officially 19 :D

Label: - 05 November 2010

Happy birthday to me! Thanks to God, for His grace and His bless through my life. It's still 11 AM right now, but i felt sooooooo much blessed and happy! :D
what i love about birthday is the birthday wishes. it's funny and quite interesting when an old friend greet me a 'happy birthday' since we haven't chat for such a really long time. and it's nice too, to know that so many people remember your birthday even you have hidden it at facebook. LOL
this day haven't end yet, but i can say it right now, I LOVE TODAY! :D
this morning, at class, i was thinking how sweet my birthday was. on my 16th birthday, my classmates gave me a surprise and a birthday cake. that was so sweet :) and at night, my best friends came into my house with another surprise and another birthday cake. so, i had 2 birthday cake on my 16th birthday. hahaha. on my 17th birthday, i went to hospital to see my ex boyfriend who was sick, and he gave me a little birthday cake and a necklace. and then i went to my friend's house, and i got another surprise and another birthday cake again!hahaha
on my 18th birthday, which is last year, i had a really good time with my ex boyfriend. he prepared a surprise for me, with all of his friends and my friends too. well this time, i got 1 birthday cake. LOL
what am i going to have today on my 19th birthday? i'm not expect anything :)

Happy Halloween everyone!

Label: - 31 Oktober 2010

I'm not really sure whether halloween celebrated on 30th or 31st of October. Some people said it celebrated on 30th October and some others said the otherwise. Whenever it is, happy halloween! :D
Actually there's no halloween in Indonesia. There's no costume party at college, there's no children going out looking for some candies, there's no trick or treat, there's no decoration for halloween, too bad right?
But, i just figured out (last night from twitter) there's halloween party out there! At x2, or equinox or something like that. interesting ;) perhaps i'm going to try it next year. perhaps.
Anyway, i'm just figured out about something too last night. pretty shocked, but it's okay. it's your own choice, since i don't have any right to take control of you anymore. i concern about you, i don't want you to be that way. well, i hope you read this honestly. or perhaps, your friend will let you know.
Btw it's sunday morning right now. and i'm awake and can't sleep anymore. *sighhhh*
i hate to wake too early on weekend :(

see ya ;)

a little touch from me

Label: , - 18 Oktober 2010

Wow, it's really been a looongg time i haven't write anything here :) everything supposed to be so fine for me. i broke up with my boyfriend (my ex-boyfriend for now on). we can't stand into this relationship anymore, and we can't force thing right? so here we are, in our own way. trying to figuring out the main purpose of our own life. so many dreams and plans we've made, which i know they won't realized. perhaps they will, but we're not going to realize them together ;) i'll always always pray for you and for me, for both of us, because i know God has a really good plan for us, in the separate way of course.
I'm a little bit surprised when I found this is not really hard for me. Idk why, but this is really how I felt, and i know this is not hard for you too. Maybe this is just the way it supposed to be :)
Sooo i decided to keep focused in my study, my job, my side job, my friendship, my family, my church, ALL of it. i can't even remember how was my life before. what usually i did to spend my time, funny right?hahaha. so i'm going to figure it out again, keep busy, enjoying every single second in my weekend. Gbm ;)

anyway i'm going to celebrate my birthday in about 2 weeks from now. not really excited, i don't want to get older!hahaha

hello :)

- 16 Agustus 2010

Hello! :) it's been a loooooong time since i haven't update my blog. i'm not really miss it honestly. i'm kind of enjoying shout almost everything in my twitter account.

now i'm on my holiday, if i could call this as a holiday since i didn't go anywhere outside this town, until september 20th. too long i guess. -___-
i already get result of the last 6 months in college. it was awesome :D i got 3,71. it's decrease from my last result, but it's okay, it still a beautiful number for me. hahaha

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