disoriented

it's been a while since the last time i wrote here, as usual. i've been very busy with a lot of stuffs. i became the leader in a church event and it drives me crazy. with all of the problems, the people, a lot of things to think of. sometimes i feel like i give up in this thing, but God always guide me to be His good sheep, and also there's my boyfriend who always support me and give me strength. so here i am, still hold on and still believe in Him to work on me :)
but that's not why i write tonight, about became the leader, it's about the disoriented feeling i felt. it's hard for me to write, to tell, to explain exactly what i felt. it just like, i have no passion in EVERYTHING i do. in my study, in my relationship with my bf, in my friendship, in the church event, in little business i run, everything. i was like i didn't do all of those stuffs whole-heartedly. i walked next to my boyfriend, but i didn't really feel like i was there. i wrote answer on my exam paper, but i didn't feel like i think about it. i led a meeting for a church event, but i didn't feel like i was there in the front of the room. i have no idea why i felt this way. a conclusion came into my mind, simply i live my life unhappily. what should i do then? i have no idea. who i really need to fill this emptiness? what should i do to keep this lonely feeling away?

and anyway i think these lyrics really suite me for now. don't you think so?



Disguise

Have you ever felt some kind of emptiness inside
You will never measure up, to those people you
Must be strong, can't show them that you're weak
Have you ever told someone something
That's far from the truth
Let them know that you're okay
Just to make them stop
All the wondering, and questions they may have

I'm okay, I really am now
Just needed some time, to figure things out
Not telling lies, I'll be honest with you
Still we don't know what's yet to come

Have you ever seen your face,
In a mirror there's a smile
But inside you're just a mess,
You feel far from good
Need to hide, 'cos they'd never understand
Have you ever had this wish, of being
Somewhere else

To let go of your disguise, all your worries too
And from that moment, then you see things clear

I'm okay, I really am now
Just needed some time, to figure things out
Not telling lies, I'll be honest with you
Still we don't know what's yet to come

Are you waiting for the day
When your pain will disappear
When you know that it's not true
What they say about you
You could not care less about the things
Surrounding you
Ignoring all the voices from the walls