simply hello

i just read my previous posts. it was only 2 months ago, but i can tell you there are a lot of things happened in those 2 months. about my relationship : a fact, which i should have known from the very first time, the risk i chose to take, that someday we will end this up. sooner or later. all we have to do is just enjoy every single moment left before the time's coming. and another problem about my relationship was a new 'thing' i never experienced before. i'd better not to post it here though and keep it for myself ;)
another news was about me being a leader. i can't tell you how it feels when it came to the end. when i think FINALLY THIS IS OVER! too much disappointment, too much emotion, i'm just too tired.

and by the way, those aren't the reason why i post tonight. it was about a book i'm currently reading. i've been looking for this book for such a long time, and to my surprise Gramedia discounted it 70% off! can you imagine how excited i was?! it costs IDR 240000 before and IDR 70000 after the discount *bellydance* so i bought it as soon as possible at Gramedia Mall Taman Anggrek. it titled Handle With Care by Jodi Picoult. this is seriously one of touching books i adored so much. i won't hesitate to looking for another books of Jodi Picoult next time.
This book was about a woman named Charlotte who has a daughter suffered Osteogenesis Imperfecta (OI), a rare bone disease. she was very fragile, a simple slipped could break her bones, even a sneeze too. Charlotte has to take a very very good care of Willow (her daughter) and sacrifice a lot of things, her first daughter, people's opinion, even her friendship. as usual, Jodi Picoult shows detail of the medical and law in her books, i found this as her speciality since her another book 'My Sister's Keeper' was also in the same genre. i seriously recommended this book. definitely one of my favorite! ;)

and here's the picture of the book :

Title : Handle with Care
Author : Jodi Picoult
Publisher : Hodder & Stoghton (UK)

it's been so long

since the last time I dropped my tears for a guy this year. note this, 11th August :') and however, it reminds me on last year. may be exactly at these days, I dropped a large amount of tears too. and this year, I did it with the different causes for different people. I never thought I would feel this pain again, I mean this fast.


would somebody give me courage to get out of this, errr, what should i call this? i don't even know. i have no idea what i want to write here. the point is, i'm just too afraid of a relationship. i'm afraid to love someone whole-heartedly. especially at this time, what i want to do is just enjoy my 'me' time. could i?please? :)


it's been a while since the last time i wrote here, as usual. i've been very busy with a lot of stuffs. i became the leader in a church event and it drives me crazy. with all of the problems, the people, a lot of things to think of. sometimes i feel like i give up in this thing, but God always guide me to be His good sheep, and also there's my boyfriend who always support me and give me strength. so here i am, still hold on and still believe in Him to work on me :)
but that's not why i write tonight, about became the leader, it's about the disoriented feeling i felt. it's hard for me to write, to tell, to explain exactly what i felt. it just like, i have no passion in EVERYTHING i do. in my study, in my relationship with my bf, in my friendship, in the church event, in little business i run, everything. i was like i didn't do all of those stuffs whole-heartedly. i walked next to my boyfriend, but i didn't really feel like i was there. i wrote answer on my exam paper, but i didn't feel like i think about it. i led a meeting for a church event, but i didn't feel like i was there in the front of the room. i have no idea why i felt this way. a conclusion came into my mind, simply i live my life unhappily. what should i do then? i have no idea. who i really need to fill this emptiness? what should i do to keep this lonely feeling away?

and anyway i think these lyrics really suite me for now. don't you think so?


Have you ever felt some kind of emptiness inside
You will never measure up, to those people you
Must be strong, can't show them that you're weak
Have you ever told someone something
That's far from the truth
Let them know that you're okay
Just to make them stop
All the wondering, and questions they may have

I'm okay, I really am now
Just needed some time, to figure things out
Not telling lies, I'll be honest with you
Still we don't know what's yet to come

Have you ever seen your face,
In a mirror there's a smile
But inside you're just a mess,
You feel far from good
Need to hide, 'cos they'd never understand
Have you ever had this wish, of being
Somewhere else

To let go of your disguise, all your worries too
And from that moment, then you see things clear

I'm okay, I really am now
Just needed some time, to figure things out
Not telling lies, I'll be honest with you
Still we don't know what's yet to come

Are you waiting for the day
When your pain will disappear
When you know that it's not true
What they say about you
You could not care less about the things
Surrounding you
Ignoring all the voices from the walls

over loaded of love

Have you ever felt this way, when you're feeling like so full of love. Extremely full that you think you can't load them in your heart. I am! :D
I really really really grateful, for everything happened. I DO believe that everything happened for a reason, and i finally found the reason why that happened and this happened and so on. I believe every pain and every tears I've ever felt brought me to this beautiful part of my life. Gave me the strength to face everything.
And most of all, I'm so grateful for your presence in my life. I have your name in my pray every night, how I'm feeling so blessed to have you right here with me, to support me, to make me laugh, to be my mood-booster, and specially to love me. You have no idea how much I love you, dear :)

With my favorite pilot :)

breaking news

I just read my last post, it's about a month later. and i have to tell you, there are soooo many things happened in a month. the first thing is i had a week of holiday in Bali, seriously it was fun and i'd love to visit Bali again ANYTIME! such a beautiful and full of cultures island, and you should have a culinary trip there. I have some recommended places to go, note this!
  1. Babi Guling Bu Oka, at Ubud
  2. Naughty Nuri's Spare Ribs, at Ubud
  3. Bridges Bali, at Ubud
  4. Ultimo Italian Restaurant, at Seminyak
  5. Ku De Ta, at Seminyak
  6. last but not least, Bamboo Corner at Poppies Lane :p
honestly there are so many things i'd love to write about my trip in Bali, but i'm not in a mood and i didn't have any photo to be posted. i will, soon ;)
the second thing happened is, me and mr lovely officially in a relationship. this is such a long story to told. he gave me a teddy bear at midnight feb 14th. with the notes written there 'would you be my valentine?' in french. that's soooo sweet! i'm so speechless since no one ever treat me that sweet. he's just too lovely right? i knew i'm afraid about many things through this relationship, but both of us decided to go on with this decision, supporting each other, loving each other. i also knew he's a super busy man, and with him, there's no saturday night to spend together. never mind, i'll take the risk :)
the third thing is, i finally got the result of my last 6 months' study. i got 3.56 this semester and 3.725 at all. not bad, i even think this is quite good for me. thanks God :) i really need Your guidance for the next years above in my study. Amen!
i'm feeling so good at all. i really should thanks God for everything happened, the good and the bad, specially the bad things happened in the past. i found out, that everything really out of our control. it's all about His way for us, the only human. everything will be right in the end, beautifully. i love you dear God o:)

p.s: i love you anw

FREEDOM (soon)

I just got home after Managerial Finance final exam. i feel sooooo happy yeayyy! tomorrow is my last exam before super long HOLYday! excited excited :)
last night i feel so, numbed. seriously. i just found out a little surprising fact. i can't deny that i'm not really fine for now. but i really grateful that i haven't choose you yet. i almost actually. but it's over. you quit, and i'm done, and we're done. thanks to God that i didn't give you my all.
But anyway, i miss your presence. i will handle this, i really do. i just find out, that everything that supposed to be together will be together in the end. just let it be. let me flow with the wind. i'm totally curious about you hey mr.lovely. i'm dying to know what's your plan, what's your next step, WHEN's your next step. i'm just sure about you, but i'm not sure about us. there are too much differences, too far distance, i'm afraid for many things. i don't want these things going up too fast. slowly but sure.
i'm sorry anw, these are just some random thoughts. i never assume anyone to read this, because i didn't public my blog's url. see ya soon!

Sym sym sym W